Sadistic Counter Help at a Taco Joint

At a taco joint on a fine, warm spring day, I stand back, eyeing the enormous chalkboard menu against the wall. A man in a long apron standing behind the cash register says, "Sir...sir, I can help you when you're ready." He flips his dreads over one shoulder and wipes a wet, oversized forehead with his latex food-preparation-gloved hand. "Thanks," I say, and go back to perusing the board.

"You're very welcome," he sighs, and stares at me. I wonder what the hell pork tinga is and, upon careful consideration, do not order it.

"Ready?" he asks me, a hint of impatience in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll have the?"

"Okay," he interrupts, "if you've decided, please place your order by the sign that says 'Place Order Here.' Thank you." He whirls around to wipe the counter down. He was just waiting for that. You could tell that he does it a lot.

Another guy whips up my burrito, looking slightly embarrassed by his coworker. He moves deftly, placing healthy portions of everything in the oversized tortilla. "Spicy, medium or mild salsa?" he asks.

"Spicy," I reply.

"It's really hot," he says, like he wishes I'd say medium.

"Good," I say.

He rolls it up and hands it to me across the counter. "Enjoy," he says, like he really hopes I will.

I move down to the end of the counter to pay. The big forehead rings me up and asks, "Would you like something to drink with your meal, sir?"

"Um...yeah, I'll have a..." I look for a drink menu, find none and say, "small iced coffee."

He smiles sardonically. "Okay sir, this isn't the line for drinks. If you'd like a drink, you can get one at that counter over there." He points to another counter where a guy in an apron sits looking bored.

I hand him my loot and shake my head. It's one thing to have a quick wit with dim bulbs, but this guy is too practiced and the setups seem gratuitous. He's just being patronizing in a really queenie way. He hands me my change and tells me, "You'll find salsa, salt, pepper, forks, knives, napkins, straws and all other accouterments at the table just behind you sir. Thank you so much. Enjoy your meal and have a pleasant day."

I walk over to the other counter for the drink. As I'm paying for it, I hear the forehead ask a lady if she's ready to order.

"Yes," she says. "I'll have a?"

He cuts her off, sharp as a razor.