An improv fiesta; Freaks Local 413, 413 W. 44th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-981-9384; Sun. at 10:30, call for price.
CHARLIE VICTOR ROMEO
Techno-thriller derived from actual "black box" transcripts of real life airline emergencies/fatalities that'll leave you open-mouthed, wide-eyed & not wanting to fly; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, $20 [though 5/27].
THE DIRTY MATRIX
Who saves humanity from a world without smut? Find out at Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-591-2149 or www.surfreality.org; Fri. at 12, $6 incl. a beer & after party.
DISCOVEROSIS
"Two friends find themselves fumbling through a maze of rediscovery...from loincloths to laptops" & if that doesn't do it, admin. incl. free drink at bar; The Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-946-1332, Fri. & Sat. at 8, $15.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILDREN ARE?
Show keeps kids off the street: vulgar sketches performed by third year NYU acting students; The Atlantic Theater Company Acting School, 453 W. 16th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.) 212-443-7006; Fri. & Sat. at 8, free.
EATING IT
Comedy-driven variety show at Luna Lounge, 171 Ludlow St. (betw. Houston & Stanton Sts.), 212-260-2323 or www.eatingit.net; Mon. at 8, $7, incl. free drink.
FACEBOYZ OPEN MIC
Everyone has an ten-minute time limit at weekly open mic, hosted by bald & bisexual art-star Faceboy; Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-330-6856 or www.surfreality.org; Sun. at 8, sign-up at 7:45, $3.
FUNNY...SHEESH
Improv comedy game show w/audience participation & prizes; Sidewalk, 94 Ave. A (6th St.), 212-473-7373; Sun. at 7:30, 2 drink min.
THE GAY PIMP VS. EMINEM
Jonny McGovern (gay pimp) pits himself against national treasure Marshall Mathers in MTV spoof; Kraine Theater, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd Ave. & Bowery), 212-591-2149, Thurs. at 10:30, $12.
GERSHWIN HOTEL
"The Louis A. Smaldone II Jazz Trio" (Weds. at 9:30); Patrick Borelli hosts "Great Free Comedy," night of stand-up, improv & sketch (Thurs. at 9:30); "The Laffeteria," (Fri. at 10); "Mr. Monday Comedy Show" w/Deke Haylon (Mon. at 8); The Gershwin Hotel, 7 E. 27th St. (betw. 5th & Madison Aves.), 212-447-6466; most shows are free.
HIGH FIFE
Sketches, improv, audio & video blend to create new brand of comedy (not Miller's champagne of beer); Freaks Local 413, 413 W. 44th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-981-9384; Thurs. at 8:30, $5.
HEADFONE FOLLIES
Performers put on headphones & imitate weird sounds they've never heard before; Here, 145 6th Ave. (betw. Spring & Dominick Sts.), 212-647-0202 or www.here.org; Sat. at 10:30, $12.
THE IMPROVAHOLICS
NYC improv group pres. their three-step recovery program; Rose's Turn, 55 Grove St. (betw. 7th Ave. & Bleecker Sts.), 212-330-7908 or www.improvoholics.com; Fri. at 9, $8 & 2 drink min.
KA-BAAM
Improv actors team up w/comic book writers to create characters based on audience suggestions; The Metropolitan Playhouse, 220 E. 4th (betw. Aves. A & B) 212-995-5302; Tues. at 8, $10 [through 5/22].
THE KIHCKERCAST PROJECT
Story lines unfold in this improv show based on a single suggestion; Freaks Local 413, 413 W. 44th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-353-6703; Fri. at 8, $10.
THE KLONG SHOW
Open mic performance contest allows audience to "klong" acts that suck while winners receive cash prizes; The Rubber Monkey, 279 Church St. (betw. White & Franklin Sts.), 212-625-8220; Mon. at 9, 2 drink min.
LIT IV: PENCILS DOWN
Erik Seims hosts a night of written word-based performances; Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-673-4182; Sat. at 10, $6.
MISTER RALPHS' NEIGHBORHOOD
Visit Abe Lincoln's Def Jam Set & Mr. Roger's sweatshop in this dark comedy feat. talent from The Upright Citizens Brigade & MTV; St. Mark's Theater, 94 St. Mark's Pl. (betw. 1st Ave. & Ave. A), 212-502-0318; Sat. at 10:30, $12, $10 st./s.c. [through 5/12].
NEXT MONDAY
New improv group combines music, parodies & sketch comedy. Snacks & drinks provided, proceeds go to the Alzheimer's Foundation; The Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-683-1601, Weds. & Thurs. at 8, $5 contrib.
TENDER
"Songs, Situations & Stories about Shoes," w/Scott Heron; Dixon Place, 309 E. 26th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-532-1546; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, $8-$15.
RICH WHITE MOTHERFUCKER
Potty mouth Steve Bird's latest collection of sketches & monologues; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-561-9740 or www.weird.org; Fri. & Sat. at 10, $10.
SHIRLEY CHICKENPANTS
Female comedy troupe is finger lickin' good; Here, 145 6th Ave. (betw. Spring & Dominick Sts.), RSVP 212-647-0202 or www.shirleychickenpants.com; Tues. at 7:30, $12.
THE TENTH FLOOR SKETCH COMEDY GROUP
Politically incorrect humor w/a colorful cast of characters incl. The Armless Nazi & Korean Bodega Man; El Flamingo, 547 W. 21st St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-243-2121; Thurs. at 10, call for price.
THEATERSPORTS
Freestyle Repertory Theater pres. improv comedy at The Trilogy Theater, 341 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 323-595-3258; Sun. at 7, $5 [through 6/17].
THESE ARE ROCKETSHIP PEOPLE
New series of sketches from NYC comedy group "Naked Babies" feat. weed developed by Gulf War scientists; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 161 W. 22nd St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-366-9176 or www.uprightcitizens.org for info; Fri. at 8, $5.
THREE JEWS & A PERSIAN
Equal opportunity sketch comedy; Surf Reality, 172 Allen St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-535-9726 or www.geocities.com/threejewsandapersian; Weds. at 9, $7.
UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE
A plethora of events from some of the strangest, sanest people around feat. "Eye Candy" (Weds. at 8); "Mr. A$$" (Weds. at 9:30); "Harold Night" (Thurs. at 7, 8 & 9:30); "Cagematch" (Thurs. at 11); "Naked Babies: These Are Rocketship People" (Fri. at 8, see above); "The Swarm" (Fri. at 10); "Midnight: UCB's Improv Experiment" (Fri. at 12 a.m.); "May I Help You Dumbass?" (Sat. at 8); "Feature Feature" (Sat. at 10); "Word of Mouth" (Sat. at 11:30); "Asssscat 3000" (Sun. at 7:30 & 9:30); "Slovin & Allen" (Mon. at 8); "Kathie Lee & The Legion of Good Meet Ricky Martin & The Loca Power Team" (Mon. at 9:30); Jennifer Nails in "Lylice" (Tues. at 8, see above); "The Third Degree" (Tues. at 9:30); Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 161 W. 22nd St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-366-9176 or www.uprightcitizens.org for info; most performances $5.
WHITE MEAT
Uni-racial comedy welcomes you into the world of the aged frat boy Bush-era white male; The Red Room, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-517-1709 or www.httheater.org; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, $15.