This Week's Horoscope

Occasionally, I suffer from what I call hypermanifestation: I can hardly mention something without it entering my life. I made an allusion to a past encounter with a skunk, and hours later I came face-to-stinkhole with one (it was lurking on my front steps last night). I briefly recalled (aloud) a momentary encounter with someone, and suddenly he appeared. My best response to this condition is to mention things I'd really love to see enter my life, like a hefty cash prize, a television appearance or a fabulous Hawaiian vacation. Guess what? Hypermanifestation is contagious, and you've got it. So for your own sake, keep your mind off the nasty stuff this week (unless it's your recurring threesome fantasy) and talk about only nice things you wouldn't mind finding, say, in your living room.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

My friend Jim (the conceited helicopter pilot on ABC's The Mole) is wondering if gay iconhood will grab him by the balls and force him to "represent." I hope so?it's time to phase out the archetypes for whom being gay is the be-all and end-all reason for their existence, and introduce some for whom it's an interesting sidebar on an otherwise fascinating life. If you're called upon to symbolize something you don't wholeheartedly feel in tune with this week, don't reject it out of hand (it is a part of you, after all). Instead, regard it as your challenge to communicate every complex facet of the issue. Being queer or black or a Pisces is not necessarily something to build an entire identity around?and if you're willing to demonstrate that, a good chunk of your world is ready to "get" it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Last month, scientists unveiled their new glow-in-the-dark, genetically altered monkey. The rhesus doesn't actually radiate the green light that its borrowed DNA produces in jellyfish (the gene may be dormant). But it's the latest step toward future generations of humans being custom-made ("Give him an extra arm as well as turquoise eyes"). You may not be able to order up your kids (or even your pets) a la carte yet, but you can carefully select the other people you allow into the intimate portions of your life. While I hope you won't summarily reject them for lacking black hair, big feet or glowing nipples, I do hope you will for things like stupidity, or a propensity for violence?because you're worthy of more than that.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Barbara Kingsolver's books have exceptionally long life spans on the bestseller lists. It gladdens me to know that even though America by and large embraces formulaic schlock, thoughtful, high-quality works are appreciated too. It gives me hope for our nation, despite our worldwide reputation. This is where I feel pride in our country: that despite depressingly low cultural standards, we have many great artists, thinkers and scientists who have the power to put what they do out there for anyone to appreciate. Don't cater to the lowest common denominator just for the maximum payout. You have the power (and the ability) to be magnificent. Don't waste it.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Our ridiculous new President is calling to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to drilling. It's one of the last large chunks of land in our country (and the world) that hasn't yet been sacrificed on the altar of commercial development and political pandering to corporate power. It literally makes me nauseated and full of grief to contemplate the exorbitant eco-impact this exploitation will have. Each little environmental abuse is made with the argument that it's only a small part of the whole; but in sum the effect (we will discover, in coming years) is devastating. The little sacrifices you've been justifying are similar. Try following the policy I wish our country would adopt?quit while you're ahead, or at least before it's too late.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Kindness, vulnerability and forthright honesty didn't work. They made me seem weak and needy. Arrogance, clever sarcasm and apathy failed, too?they cast me as mean and indifferent. So?how to make the best impression, or at least one that's most true? Once, I would've simply replied with the cop-out catchall: Be real. The problem with that is that all these things are real, along with a complicated plethora of other things. My current advice for you and myself: Don't overthink. Be true to the ever-changing moment and trust the big picture to reveal the truth about who you are.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

On canoe trips in college, I'd concoct elaborate stoner combinations of foods. I'd slap hummus, mustard, peanut butter and three kinds of cheese into a sandwich and devour it with nary a tastebud out of place, unfazed by the grimaces of those around me. Although now I'm slightly less tolerant of bizarre fusions of ingredients, it's still one of my favorite things to mix and match and devour. Whether you're combining snacks, musical styles or people this week, don't be afraid to be wildly creative, with or without the benefit (or handicap) of drugs.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The Nazi chefs will have their way: "Bring that schnitzel to me now!" They'll demand disciplined obedience and condemn deviation from their autocratic methods. You may have something to learn from these assholes, but you're not one of them. You're a covert agent in enemy camp. Once you have the secret of their schnitzel, get the fuck out of there. Don't be a glutton for punishment. The next time you have to Sieg-Heil with your pepper shaker, break someone's nose and run like hell.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Volkswagen, rehashing nostalgia again, is unveiling its newest take on the magic-bus love van thang?except this time complete with a new streamlined and ultramodern interior, including PlayStation. I wonder who'll buy it: rich ex-hippies waxing poetical about their nearly forgotten youths, or modern young hipsters with money to burn? Or nobody. Just because it succeeded once, in another time, doesn't mean it'll work again?although one might think otherwise, given your latest attempts to resurrect a tired past. Try something new this week, and let history rest in peace, finally.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I'm good in bed. I know how to cobble words together to form decent sentences. I can paint something and people know what it's supposed to be. I cook a few things well. I like singing, and I know when I'm out of tune, at least (even if I can't help it). I can do math in my head. I sometimes excel at leading by example. Is this one of those times? You tell me: I was trying to hint that this is a good week to reflect on your strengths, instead of harping on your faults, as you have been for weeks now.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

I enjoy speculating about the future, based on social climate, technological development and public interest. For instance, it's easy to predict that should genetic science prove its viability, no amount of legal or moral opposition will prevent the production of genetically tailored or enhanced human beings. I also prophesy that not only will one of the next couple generations be wearing computers as a matter of course, they'll probably be built right into their bodies. Look, my point is: What was outlandish two years ago seems reasonable now. So take a risk and put your proposals on the table while they're still cutting-edge instead of waiting until they're "so last year."

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Luckily, my dog doesn't fight. Oh, he'll have standoffs and come back with hackles raised so high he looks like Olympia Dukakis in a black mink stole (they both have the same kind of long, handsome face). But ultimately he'll put up with tiny yappers, playful kitten claws and human idiots with an angelic disposition. You should take lessons. If the shit you have to tolerate this week were as easy to take as eight hours of Chihuahua vocalization, your life would be a cinch.

[Caeriel@yahoo.com](mailto:caeriel@yahoo.com)