This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:32

    Taurus (April 20-May 20) I dig the vivid extremes of Bangkok. Modern skyscrapers wrap themselves in a gray veil of diesel pollution while open-air markets that probably haven't changed much in two centuries cling to their ankles, smelling like dried fish, fresh flowers, garlic, ginger. Some of the most decadent and extensive red-light neighborhoods in the world, with all their seedy, slapdash glamour, rub elbows with tremendous, glittering temple complexes, where every detail is a carefully wrought work of art. Your attempts at consistency?internal and ex-?are admirable, if misguided. The next time you discover some minor contradictions, don't bleach them to a pale melange of mediocrity. Own them. Let their colors shine?even if they clash. Gemini (May 21-June 20) To explain to yourself how you feel this week, imagine you're snorkeling in Thailand. Suddenly the way you seem able to exist only at the fringes of a colorful, serene and exotic world makes at least a little more sense. So you can only thrust your face into the realm you crave, still connected to your old reality through a stubby breathing tube. Just remember: the limits of your participation are only one-way. You can carry the world you can barely enter completely inside you, like a precious gem that refracts light and changes how you see and react to everything else. Cancer (June 21-July 22) Intimacy can make you invisible. The closer you get to someone, the more they can treat you as if you're not there. I'm not talking about a growing lack of appreciation?just the dissolution of those walls between the face your loved one presents to the world and his/her most private self. Suddenly, you're witness to the nose-picking, the farting, the zany dancing in the living room, the goofy faces in the mirror, etc. To some, this degree of intimacy is abhorrent?to others, wonderfully desirable. As I suspect you're of the latter ilk, you'll probably be psyched to learn that the next obstacle to true understanding of your love, while not exactly crumbling to the ground, has a door, and you have the key to it. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Why aren't you free, Leo? It's weird?I think a lot of people perceive you as this carefree, devil-may-care adventurer who allows herself to do anything under the sun. You'd never turn down a tempting dare, but you've occasionally been so worried about embarrassing yourself that you've hardly acknowledged some of your own desires. Caution is commendable in a Capricorn to the extreme?in you it's desirable only until it impedes glorious action. Prudence doesn't become you proud cats. Roar, goddammit! Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You're familiar with the image of a cackling witch hurtling through the night on a spindly broomstick. It's thought this iconography originated from a rite of passage hinted at in several old pagan texts and works of art; one popular interpretation is that a broom handle was smeared with a psychedelic substance and used as a dildo, enabling the initiate to "fly." This is just one of many myths and fantasies that's come from a misunderstanding or mutation of the original event. While interesting from a sociological perspective, I wouldn't normally expect it to have personal relevance for you?except that your current minor quandary can be perfectly explained (and corrected) once you understand the surreal interpretation of the past that led to it in the first place. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Consider abundance this week. American culture is based on an economy of scarcity, despite the fact that we're arguably the richest country in the world. You'd really have to try hard, however, to miss noticing the mounds of blessings heaped at your feet this week, a veritable cornucopia of luck, love and even stuff. What to do with this bounty? Enjoy it, of course?but also spread it around. There are a lot of people who won't know how lucky they are until you rub their faces in good fortune, and I want you to do it. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Assuming you've experienced past lives, it's been ages since you spend one as an ant, wolf, flamingo or Egyptian slave. Cooperating in a project that requires submission to (and sometimes death in the name of) the group is as foreign to you as Sanskrit. At least, that's how it looks. You have a talent for helping people but not for downplaying your ego. Ants devour whole forests, wolves kill prey much larger than themselves, flamingos confound their enemies through sheer numbers and slaves built inconceivable pyramids. If you can put aside your personal shit?even for just a week?and work for "the greater good," what might you accomplish? Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Starfucking is pathetic and annoying. You're rarely (if ever) guilty of anything as pretentious and sad as namedropping or celebrity-hounding. I'd almost rather you pick up a junk habit or start talking in rhyme than adopt mannerisms like those. I think you'll agree that fame whores, junkies and compulsive poets, among others, are tedious and hard to be around. That's why I'm shocked that you even dabbled in something almost as awful. Stop now, before you can't, and before you alienate your crowd, your folks, and yourself. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Have you ever kept a journal? "Why bother?" you may ask. "My incredible memory provides a remarkably accurate record of events." That may be true, but maintaining a chronicle of your life isn't the reason I recommend the practice?even an eidetic memory can't match a journal in painting a clear picture of how your brain works, over time: your invisible patterns and habits of mind. From this thought-map you can extract the technology you need to use yourself more efficiently and happily, to exploit your strengths and neutralize your weaknesses. Understanding yourself is one of your primary goals in life, right? Well, here's a tool toward that end. Pick up a pen and start writing. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) These Pat Pong girls have great muscle control. I've seen them use their super-pussies to shoot darts, open bottles and blow out a whole cake full of birthday candles. Finally: here is concrete evidence that bizarre skills like those you've been developing can be rewarding, as long as you find the right market. This week, keep your eyes peeled for the opening that will lead to the remuneration (financial or emotional?or both) you've been craving. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Oh, how I love the sight of little boys blasting each other, me and whoever else happens to be around with pretend machine guns. I must also delightedly applaud when I witness preschool girls enacting bizarre and ridiculous psychodramas they saw the night before on Party of Five. If you can't tell I'm positively dripping with sarcasm, maybe you ought to check your reality, too. See, I'm worried that the lines these kids draw between the realities they imbibe and those they create are rather fuzzily drawn; as a result, we run the risk of living out those fictions we've generated for their entertainment. Gentle Pisces, do your share this week to inject a kinder version of What Might Be into the world, hopefully one that thrills our lovely, impressionable youth, instead of boring them.