Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Your mantra this week: This plan is so crazy, it just might work! In fact, if your scheme's too normal, it's practically bound to fail. If you were born into another time you'd probably be a starship captain, and, as we all know, insane strategies are practically the modus operandi of interstellar adventurers. Avoiding cliches and predictability this week is your main purpose in life. Otherwise, the fleet of enforcer ships in hot pursuit will know exactly what you're up to, and you'll be incarcerated in intergalactic jail for the next 20 cycles.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Insanity looks good on you. You wear it well. Somehow, you make crazy behavior look appealing rather than dangerous. Just be careful who you encourage. While people shake their heads in bemused wonderment at your idiosyncrasies, they'd quickly institutionalize their levelheaded Libran friend if she started acting the same way. The good news is that you can get away with virtually anything this week. The bad news is that, by necessity, much of it will have to be a solo activity.
Aries (March 21-April 19) I bring my dog to the office. I get paid to write poetry. I keep my job while traveling through exotic lands around the world. All of these things are true, and my way of counting my blessings. I'm not doing this to gloat, only to provide an example of what your week?and your new year?may include. Yes, you, too, have the privilege of bragging about some equally unlikely things?and making them real! Start this week: Make it your New Year's resolution to say something that no one will believe about your life, at least once a month. I'm convinced that by this time next year, at least half of them will be true?and that's if you hardly try at all.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) You know you've become good friends with someone when your vocabularies blend; those words that are unique to you and your inner circle suddenly creep into the mouth of a recent acquaintance. The first time my friend Jim said he had to "make a choice" (how my friends and I refer to shitting) I knew he and I had gotten tight. It's rare that you allow anyone new into your clique. My crystal eight-ball indicates that someone you never expected could be about to achieve that status. Watch for signs of blending lingo to figure out who, if you don't have a clue already.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) Oh, shit. The new year is here?again. It's a slippery slope, this time thing, isn't it? Every year past 20 is a little shorter than the one before. I know this depresses you, but take at least a few minutes this week to think about getting old. More than any other sign, you're oriented toward youth. That's why I'm concerned that age will sneak up on you, and you'll end up being spinelessly shaped into whatever circumstance decides, instead of aging gracefully and consciously. You can be cool and old, I promise. Don't believe me? Your mission this week: go out and find a cool old person, or at least imagine what one would be like. Then at least you'll have some idea of what to aim for.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Almost like arthritis, I can feel it in my bones when I'm going to have an inspired day, or when I'm going to merely plod sluggishly through my writing. I live for the days I have to race to keep up with my speeding thoughts, but I know that to survive as an artist I have to persevere through those times when I'm convinced I won't get anything done at all. Don't be ruled by your moods, even if you can't help being affected by them. Try anyway. Waiting for inspiration is like waiting to be struck by lightning. I hope it strikes, I really do. But in the meantime, you've got to create conditions that are ripe for it. Try tying a key to a kite and doing a rain dance.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Hey, my gorgeous Leo sisters and brothers, can I just tell you how often my big, sloppy, majestic ego has gotten in the way of my true hopes? You know what I'm talking about. How many times have you sabotaged something that's almost in your grasp, only because the means failed to fulfill some grandiose vision of yourself? The irony: your self-sabotage can only reinforce your negative self-images. Fulfilling your desires, by whatever means, can only enhance your greatness. The clue: Sometimes, a little humility is required to get what you want. Think of it as taking one step back so you can take two steps forward. Works for me. Now you try.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) One aspect of Virgo is the Hunter/Huntress. As you've discovered, stalking a potential boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't usually work. People clue into the perceived desperation of the circumstance and, well, run away. Not this week. Even if they do, you could probably catch them. With your ruling planet in Capricorn, you have a better-than-average chance of getting what you want, when you want it. So hijack cupid's bow, sling it over your shoulder and start setting up targets between people's eyebrows, shoulderblades or thighs?or all three.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Hey, Monkey: Want a banana? Yeah, yeah?I'm talking to you, ya big, smart, hairless ape. Don't let Western society's delusions fool you?you're nothing more than one extremely developed branch on the lopsided tree of the animal kingdom. Don't be ashamed of your animalness. More than any other sign, you seem to shy away from the primal nature of your body, hiding behind pretty artificiality. Quit it. This week, concentrate on not only accepting your beastly body and all its smells, sounds and goofy imperfections, but reveling in it. Once you do, you'll not only be a lot more comfortable inside your skin, but, consequently, the sex will get a lot better, too.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) He says I've got my "finger in the groove." Somehow, suddenly, I'm qualified to give advice on what's cool. I didn't know I was hip. As far as I knew, I was just this geeky, freaky guy with a skeptical interest in astrology and a powerful fascination with the world at large. I like science fiction and big dogs and complicated cities, the same things I've always liked. Here's what I've learned from this: Don't try too hard to be cool. Usually, it'll have the opposite effect. Instead, just be yourself. Take what you know to the deepest level you can, and wait for cool to come to you.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) It's like fishing. I've been struggling to cultivate a metaphor that could speak to your constant struggle between dynamism and stability. Your incredibly powerful wanderlust, that strong desire to move and change and grow, constantly and continuously, battles with your ambition to accomplish larger projects that extend beyond the whims of the moment. Bear with me while I bring it back to that fishing analogy. You can catch many little fish while wandering. But what would you do with that big fish you're aiming for, even if you caught it? There's no room for it on the boat. Take that step you've been contemplating toward a perfect balance between rootedness and adventure. Namely, if you already have a hook in the lip of the underwater behemoth of your biggest goal, make sure you have a wall to hang it on when you finally reel it in.
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