Debut Memoir Tells Tale of Love and Devotion of Comfort Dog

When the going gets rough, the “ruff’ get going.

After being rescued from an animal shelter, a speckled brown-and-white cocker spaniel named Cassie returned the favor to her owner, lifelong New Yorker and essay writer Ann Gorewitz, whose husband, Steve, was becoming increasingly and chronically ill. Hence, Gorewitz includes Cassie not only in her debut memoir, but in the title.

In “You, Me, & the Dog,” the author, who holds a Doctorate in Education and Rehabilitation Counseling from Columbia University, a Master of Arts from New York University, and a Bachelor of Arts from Queens College, inspires readers to embrace the second chance to build family, community, and happiness.

Gorewitz also shares how she channeled the resilience and determination she used to participate in endurance sports into the mindset needed to survive the loss of not only her beloved Steve, but also Cassie, who was diagnosed with cancer at the same time Steve had been. (Cassie was five when she was diagnosed and 14 when she died thanks to Gorewitz’s love and care.)

Straus Media sat down with Gorewitz, who is on the advisory board of the Jewish Community Services, where she uses her skills in goal setting, counseling, and communication to help others through bereavement, to discuss the physical and emotional effects of caregiving, and understanding that an animal is not just a pet but a family member.

What was it about Cassie that made her such a source of stability during such a difficult time?

When my husband became ill with throat cancer, Cassie really enjoyed being in the kitchen watching me cook and eat and clean up. I think it helped. She was a comfort to me, petting her, lying next to her bed, taking her on walks.

The title frames the story as the three of you. How did the dynamic shift as your husband’s illness progressed?

At first, we shared the walks; Steve couldn’t towards the end. I was still working a lot of the time, and Cassie would sit with Steve in the living room, and it was a comfort.

But the dynamics, because I had to take more responsibility - going to the vet, making sure she had her walks - the bond increased.

You write about caring for a loved one while also needing to care for yourself. Can you expound upon that for caregivers who are self-forgetting?

It’s essential to care for yourself. If you don’t have an interest, get one. I had running in marathons. I continued with my writing classes online.

I think you have to do it; exercise and take a class. Get a massage once a month. Swimming helped me when I was really feeling depressed. It woke me up and helped put things in perspective. Also, I got a therapist.

How did you fail at it before you got it right?

I would get up and make Steven’s medicine with a pill crusher. One day, I didn’t have a lot of patience and didn’t crush his aspirin good enough, and his feeding tube got clogged. We had to go to the doctor to get it unclogged. I realized that I had to be patient; that had to come first. I learned the hard way. I was always very careful after that.

You run marathons and triathlons. How did that training translate into surviving the grief and the caregiving?

What I learned from marathons was it’s one step at a time to get to the finish line, and no matter how you feel, you have to finish. There’s no going back. You train so long for months to build up your stamina. You just keep going.

And the triathlon? I couldn’t swim. I was over 50 at the time, and I learned. It was an incredible achievement for me. What it taught me was, if you really want to do something, and you put your mind to it, and you get the training you need, you can do it. And I did it--six times.

The book’s message is about embracing second chances to build family and community. Now, you had met a new man and got another dog. But what did rebuilding look like internally?

It’s not easy. I was married for 45 years, and deeply in love. But what it looked like for me, after my husband passed away, and after my upstairs neighbor Bill and I broke up, was to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

I always wanted to live somewhere else [outside of NYC]. So, I thought, I can do it. And with a new dog

A year after Cassie passed away, Steve was on his deathbed, intubated; he wrote, “Annie, you need a dog.” Steve picked out Romeo from a video. I really didn’t want to have a puppy alone. But I did it. Romeo’s a wonderful boy.

If a reader in the middle of a caregiving crisis picks up this book, what’s one thing you hope they take away besides for them to take care of themselves?

You may think caregiving is tough. But when someone passes away, it’s worse. So be there in the moment for your person and try to find joy in being there for the person, because it will be so much more difficult toward the end.

What do you hope people understand about grief that pet ownership taught you?

A dog, for me and for a lot of people, is like a family member. Often, we don’t acknowledge that in a society. It’s important to talk about the lifelong responsibility that you have for your dog. It’s not just a cute puppy and going for walks. It’s being there for your dog, like for any other family member, for your entire, their entire life.

“You, Me & the Dog” is available Sept. 17^th on Amazon.

Lorraine Duffy Merkl is the author of the novel “The Last Single Woman in New York City.”