This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:09

    SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Many a Libra feels lost without a partner, or some kind of significant other to react to. That's because they base their self-definition on their environment, filling whichever gaps or providing whatever contrast they perceive. For those of us (like you Scorps) who remain relatively changeless regardless of our surroundings, this might be a foreign concept?but I predict that this week it may begin to seem a bit more familiar, as you respond to the myriad minor obstacles and setbacks that threaten to present themselves. None of them is actually designed to stop you or slow you down much?just remind you of how inventive and multifaceted you can be. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) This week you might feel like you're slipping backwards down a steep, endlessly twisting slide. Instead of grappling desperately at the sides, or vainly trying to brace your feet, why not accept your fate? Who's to say that what lies at the bottom is worse than what you left at the top? Remember the last time you were booted from your boyfriend's apartment or fired from a job? Lucky you?something wonderfully fabulous usually happens before you hit the sidewalk. Since there's no stopping you in your brilliant tumble to the next chapter, is there any way you can just relax and enjoy the euphoric thrill of the ride? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Make do. You've heard the adage, "Necessity is the mother of invention." Generate creative substitutions for the missing elements of your life. A sieve will serve as well as a colander. A paring knife or razor blade will do in a pinch when you can't find your scissors. A cucumber could come in handy when your boyfriend's run off with the dildo. Replacing objects is easy, especially for someone as frugal, resourceful and practical as you. But what about coming up with vivid compensation for the absent emotional or mental stimulus you've been craving? Television and the Internet pale in comparison to real, live, warm human beings who care about you. The good news is, there are more of them than you think, standing by to step in and fill the gap. All you need do is: Ask. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) You get a huge tax return. The doctor presents you with a clean bill of health after you'd already accepted the prognosis of a deadly illness she gave you last visit. Your huge credit debt is erased by a Y2K computer glitch, never to haunt you again. Your girlfriend who broke up with you three weeks ago comes crawling back, begging for forgiveness and promising to "make it up to you." Even if nothing like this happens to you this week, you might feel like it did. What are you going to do with the subsequent feeling of weightlessness, relief and elation I've predicted? Set yourself up for more, I hope. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) You could try wearing stripes with polka dots, or eating caramel with your kale. Perhaps listening to rap music in the parking lot of a country music truck stop or watching two televisions at once could begin to capture the contrast you feel inside. Otherwise, I'm not sure how to help you express the strong, very different pulls you seem to be entirely composed of. Of one thing I'm certain, though: Accommodating all of the desires in your life may take more stretching and imagination than trying to fit into your senior prom outfit?but it's also more possible, and a lot cuter. ARIES (March 21-April 19) Living with a big dog means my surroundings are coated with short black hairs, and grit that he tracks in. This evidence of his presence covers my bed, falls in my drinks, litters my car, decorates my clothing. I find Eli in my food and, worse, in my mouth. After a while, though, I got used to it. You'll get used to the fresh constant presence in your life too. This latest aspect of your existence might not be as dramatic as a new dog or baby, but it promises to be just as prevalent. Just like a squalling kid or a messy hound, loving it will help you tolerate the few pervasive inconveniences that come along with it. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Every so often, when I'm doing something quiet like writing or reading, I need to get up and bang on a drum, or run around screaming, just to stir things up. Just as I crave invoking chaos periodically to keep myself inspired, it's important for you to also experience some exhilarating stillness in the midst of the gorgeous wildness of your days. Don't stop what you're doing; just grab a piece of quiet from the moment, like that serene minute when you're surfing the inner curve of a wave, or gliding quietly atop the powder on a snowboard, or just breathing and listening in a crowd full of busy people. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Tonight, don your cloak of invisibility and go out. Revel in all the things you can see and secrets you can uncover when you're trying very hard to not be noticed for a change. Later this week pretend you have laryngitis and can only speak when absolutely necessary. Turn yourself inside out if you can, transform your extroversion to introversion. All of this is required if you are to rediscover the humanity and kindness you've been missing and which your cynicism has almost killed. See you next week (but not this one), wallflower. CANCER (June 21-July 22) Don't feel overlooked. Overlooked is an understatement, you say? Sat on is more like it? You may be tired of people ignoring you or sitting on your face (without even asking first!) but I recommend simply biding your time. Just think of yourself as a sweet, fragile egg. By next week you'll be ready to hatch and peck out the eyes of anyone who would dare look at you askance. And I seriously doubt anyone will want to sit on you, what with that big, sharp beak of yours. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) You don't have many allies this week, but then again, you don't need them. Just think of yourself as the one who got left behind when the rest of the Legion of Superheroes went off to fight their archnemesis on the other side of the world. You're left to pursue your own solo adventure, liberating the Earth while your team discovers that the threat they went to combat was actually just a ruse, a distraction from the real danger. This time you get to save the planet on your own, with no one else even trying to hog the credit. VIRGO (Aug. 22-Sept. 22) When you start making lists of lists, you know your degree of organization has burst the thermometer. In the name of all that's efficient, reasonable and practical, I declare a general moratorium on all charts, lists, schedules, calendars and rules. For at least this week, I hereby decree that you Virgos must stop using anything but your excellent intuition, remarkable insight and unquestionable virtue to steer your life. The more you rely on unfeeling, inanimate objects to determine your decisions, the way you spend your time and who you will see when, the less you allow the magic that's waiting in the wings its time onstage.