This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:30

    Aries (March 21-April 19) You're already one of the most exciting people you know. Why are you so afraid of "missing out"? So often I see you participating in something because you're scared of not being part of "it," whatever "it" is. More often than not the big event you anticipated turns out to be a big flop, and you feel like you wasted a lot of time. Relax. You're where the party is, already. Spend less time on everybody else's lame adventures and more on creating your own exciting ones. Taurus (April 20-May 20) You remind me of a microwave oven. Standing in front of you, it's hard to tell (especially for one unfamiliar with such a device) that there's anything going on. But suddenly?ding! Food's hot. You're so stable and laid-back lately that it's not obvious how much is going on beneath the surface. You also resemble a microwave in another essential way: you don't wreak change on the surface of people you encounter. Instead, you catalyze them from the inside out. You might even be lulled into believing the myths they tell about you being boring?until this week, when you see the transformations (both internal and inside others) you've wrought. Gemini (May 21-June 20) I sometimes imagine aliens observing Earth, and being grossed out by the human race. Put aside all our bad habits (war, environmental destruction, economic inequity) and simply consider our bodies: we still might repulse alien visitors. Constantly oozing sweat and oil could be disgusting to a dry, lizard-like species. Crying might horrify someone with fly eyes. Hair might be repugnant to a perfectly smooth race. Where am I going with this? We've got our hands full communicating with each other across cultural, social and political boundaries. Your undue focus on superficial details of physiognomy doesn't suit you. Take it back to the mind-to-mind contact you crave anyway. Cancer (June 21-July 22) Some hotels are so keen on anticipating their patrons' needs, they include a goldfish bowl (with fish) in each single room, so these guests might feel less lonely. Because you often have so many needs yourself?especially when it comes to feeling "at home"?it's second nature for you to guess at and accommodate those of your own guests. Unfortunately, it's a double-edged blade?you're sometimes so high-maintenance that you wear out your welcome quickly. This week, concentrate on being a low-key guest or a high-powered host, whichever is more appropriate. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Most Leos are either loved or hated. Ironically, they want nothing more than to be loved by as many people as possible, but they also find it hard to play the game (one flexible Librans excel at) and be anything other than what they are. For example, many a Leo actor has been accused of "playing himself." That's just the way it is. If you're still making even a halfhearted attempt to pander to the evanescent whims of a fickle crowd, give it up. Find an m.o. that works for you, and stick with it. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Expectations screw shit up. You're the fool who's so busy craning her neck to keep an eye out for your late theater date that you have no suitable answer for their inevitable question, once they've arrived: "What'd I miss?" Unless you start paying attention to the drama that's unfolding now, you're doomed to keep repeating the same half-assed answer: "Um, I don't know." The more "reasonable" your expectation, the more it messes with your life. For this week, practice having only unreasonable expectations. That is, if you're certain that your tardy friend will eventually arrive, become equally certain that they won't. Expect them not to show, so if they do you can be pleasantly surprised?and you'll know what happened in their absence. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Indians and Thais are totally beautiful, but I've found that my lustiest crushes here in Asia tend to focus on my fellow Westerners. Generally, when I travel, I prefer partaking of the local atmosphere: cuisine, culture and the locals themselves. You know, when in Rome? But it's hard to resist my bedraggled fellow travelers. So many are exactly the kind of scruffy adventurer I like. Strange that I'd go to Asia to meet happenin' Euro boys, instead of Europe. That's just like the week ahead for you: Look for what you want where you wouldn't expect to find it. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You're irrational, unpredictable and sometimes inconsistent. I would never hold that against you, but some people do. Perhaps they've forgotten that Scorpio is a Water Sign. That means that the first (and often only) lens through which you view the world is that of your emotions. Each event in your life is considered primarily from a subjective, feeling viewpoint, instead of, say, the more pragmatic perspective of a Taurus, or the vaguely abstracted intellectualization of an Aquarius. As a Scorpio, your duties are clear: you're not required to respond to circumstance with practicality, only passion. The next time you're criticized for being dynamic and impulsive, ignore your critics, or better yet?fuck 'em. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You don't believe in sheltering your children, parents, friends or yourself from the world. Protecting them from its dangers is one thing, shielding them from its (often harsh) truths is another. That's why I'm surprised that you've lately kept the secrets you've kept. The radical honesty you generally pursue isn't usually about withholding information. While I don't fear personal contradiction, you tend to avoid it, which is what's creating all the tension you're experiencing now. You're already familiar with the concept of different levels of truth. Is the truth that's stuck in your throat the deepest truth available on the subject? Or is there a deeper, more true truth that's holding you back? Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) It seems the next step of human evolution is upon us. This is an age in which wearable computers, bionic limbs, nanotechnology, genetic manipulation and life-span augmentation are all existent or imminent. This probably causes you Caps some consternation. On the one hand, you may be eager to use these new tools, take advantage of their competitive edge. On the other, the conservative, tradition-oriented side of you may resist change, may wish to preserve the original human template. Moral considerations aside, understanding and using the technology that zooms our way is clearly the key to continued success of any kind. You decide: will you stay behind to endlessly debate its implications, or will you race ahead to take advantage of them? Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Although I don't believe it, I have an Aquarian amigo who complains about sex, claiming it's a distraction from the more important issues of his life. When fornication briefly takes first place in the race for his attention, he resents it. What a geek! The next time your powerful drive to explore ideas is eclipsed by a heartfelt frolic, be grateful, not grating. You can't live in your head 24/7, after all. A regular screw might help you think more clearly, and could be the key to unlocking your true genius.