This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:38

    Cancer (June 21-July 22) I love writing up little anecdotes to share with you. I'm glad I'm able to convince myself that my life is entertaining enough to tell to total strangers. But I don't live an interesting life for your benefit. No offense, please. I only mention this because, despite all my efforts to wean you from your martyr complex, you're still exhibiting a couple of symptoms you'd be happier without. It's nice to do things for other people. You might even enjoy it. But the bottom line is: It's your damn life. Do what you want. Don't stop being generous and nurturing. But don't do it for the ungrateful wretches around you. Do it for yourself. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Sometimes, you're slightly slow on the uptake. You often wake your boyfriend late at night, pounding on the pillow and muttering, "Yeah, yeah?that's what I should've said!" Snappy comebacks aren't your forte. That's okay. Fast wits and a smart mouth are things you can live without?most people do. They are nice to have, like fancy cars, cable television or a live-in cook. Unfortunately, you can't buy cleverness as easily as those other things. You do have your inspired moments, though. And lucky for you, you should have whole hours of evil brilliance this week. Make good use of them. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I surround myself with the most interesting people I can find, doing the most fascinating and entertaining things we can think of. I make good art without using my imagination at all. I write about our experiences. I paint my friends. Our lives sell, but I don't consider myself a sellout. Au contraire: Selling out involves compromising your principles to make a buck. By sharing my life with the world at large, I only enhance my ability to live it the way I want to. You may be made an offer that seems quite lucrative. To make sure you're not selling your soul along with the movie rights, consider: will this really?on all the most important levels?make you feel more free? The answer to that question is the answer to the proposition. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Bear with my metaphor: You were wearing a fluffy, bright pink coat. It was cute, funny, distracting and insulating. But this week, you're changing into a khaki windbreaker. Light, unassuming and hardly warm. The jackets I'm referring to aren't physical; they're slipped over your emotions. You may feel a lot more vulnerable in your new garb. But don't get scared. Being more susceptible to feelings can be pleasurable. Instead of feeling exposed, you could feel free, unencumbered, more able to dodge emotional cannonballs and leap over chasms of horror. Your astrological assignment this week is to become accustomed to this degree of emotion. Extra Credit: Once you're used to something as negligible as a windbreaker, you can concentrate on taking that off, too. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Sometimes, it's a little hard to tell whether you're playfully poking fun at the rigidity of some people's beliefs, or if you're going out of your way to insult. Is your "Suck Cock for Jesus" bumpersticker humorously subversive or simply disrespectful? It's true: some folks take themselves and their opinions way too seriously. But part of allowing other people to have their own (albeit ridiculous) ideas is to honor their differences, whether or not you agree with them. Whatever you do, be sure you can take whatever you dish out. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) If you were a tree, you'd probably tear your roots from the earth and walk. That's how strong your wanderlust can be. But there is that small subsect of your tribe that finds it possible to stay in one place for a while. They've discovered that partially restricting their freedom in one way can greatly expand it in other areas. For instance, one of my oldest Sag friends just bought a house, after a decade of wandering. Now he's got a home base, a stable place from which to jump into the rest of the world. The next time you're considering adding some commitment or stability to your life, be it relationship, business or home, take it seriously. It could be just the thing you need to be freer than you've ever managed to be before. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Another Capricorn friend of mine just succumbed to his earthbound aspirations. Oh, sure, for a while he toyed with bohemian ideas like freedom, helping people?even healing them! He even got himself accepted for enrollment at acupuncture school. But when Chinese medicine failed at effectively treating an ailment of his, he became disillusioned. Plus, his peers in New York were making six figures in computers. The thought of taking out a school loan to spend years working toward a merely decent living seemed repugnant when he could invest a lot less and start making bank right now. If you find yourself faced with a similar choice, please consider: What does the world need more: rich people? Or healers, artists and saviors? Which would you rather be? (Hint: they're not mutually exclusive. You can choose both.) Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Sucking down coffee at the Internet cafe is a poor substitute for inspiration, but it works for me. Especially when the counter chick flirts and I have the perverse satisfaction of totally geeking out when I know it's a fantastically gorgeous day outside. I'm able to enjoy myself because I've finally learned to tell the difference between what I want and what I think I should want. You succumb too often to the latter. Let go of your ideas about yourself and just be yourself. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Last night I dreamt I was in The Simpsons. It wasn't my first animated dream, but it was the first time I played one of the characters (Bart). It was even funny; I woke up laughing. Is this a symptom of some deeper problem? Have I just been watching too much tv? Or is dreaming in two dimensions normal, even commendable? Well, I'm no psychologist, but I think any experience that enables you to see the world in a vastly different way is a valuable one. So the next time you're forced to alter your preconceptions, value it, don't reject it. Aries (March 21-April 19) We heard the commotion from blocks away. "This man touched my tit!" hollered a blonde, trashy woman. "Call the police! I want to make a civil arrest!" The kicker came when she announced: "I'm a happily married woman! I've been faithful to my husband?since before Easter!" You know how inclined you are, at times, to make a scene. The rest of us find it very entertaining, so don't stop. But the next time you're tempted to cause a ruckus, make sure it's not something you may regret later. Taurus (April 20-May 20) I miss my dog like crazy. He's staying at my ex-boyfriend's place while I get my shit together in Los Angeles. I wish he could be here with me, daily, but the rational, (somewhat) more realistic part of my brain realizes that it's just not feasible to couch-surf with a Great Dane, while job- and house-hunting. Still, I can't help wishing he were here. Sometimes, we just have to go without what we really want. Like you and your desires, right now. But don't get depressed. Revel in your deprivation. When you finally get what you want, it'll be that much sweeter for the wait. [](