This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 06:23

    Geminis are a quirky lot, often misunderstood by other signs. You do things uninspired bores rarely appreciate, like take color photographs of other people's puke on the sidewalk, skin or stuff the family pet, post-mortem, and put it on display, or collect creepy antique toys. You're used to people thinking you're a freak, just because you have a little more creative imagination than they do. So don't flip when this week's choice of activities raises a few eyebrows. Who cares whether or not they comprehend what you're up to? The cool ones you give a shit about get it, and we wouldn't want you to stop for anything.

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    The in-laws are moving in?at least that's what it feels like when Saturn invites himself over for a grueling two-year stay. Just like living with your stern, disapproving father-in-law, who's always tsk-tsking over your shoulder, this may require some compromises, especially ones involving your stepping up your game a notch or two. Look at it this way: You could spend the entire time sorely resenting the intrusion, or you could use it to drive you to bigger, better and bolder achievements, along with a greater tolerance for and resistance to your critics (who will only multiply and diversify as your greatness becomes more obvious).

    Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

    Your energy is lionlike: Mostly, you're lazy, conserving your strength, trusting your reputation to bring you what you want. But you're also capable of phenomenal short-term drive that's virtually unrivaled by any other sign, the equivalent of chasing, catching and killing an antelope. When you put your mind to something, you're pretty much unstoppable and unmatchable, whether the activity is sex, artistic creation, cross-country driving or performing an aria. But since these spurts of intense verve are limited (which is why you'll be able to produce them deep into your old age, unlike your Aries cousins) you must carefully decide when and where you'll apply them. Although five potentially dispatchable antelope will run by this week, at best you'll only have the energy to down two. Choose well.

    Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

    Virgos change either glacially slowly, or at Mach 3. When you're so busy with other things, it's hard to make room to consider radical alterations to your routine, so everything happens in minute, almost imperceptible increments. But when you've decided to devote your whole self to a new path, it happens faster than the naked eye can perceive. Suddenly you're a whole new person. This week you face a choice: Manifest the change you're headed for anyway, by temporarily dropping some of your supposedly essential activities (and subsequently play catch-up for the next three weeks), or get everything done that you're "supposed to," and not finish switching life-path lanes until the end of the summer.

    Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

    Librans are emotional people, despite your reputation for coolness. It's not that you don't experience your feelings; it's that you've managed to put a screen between that experience and the outside world, so what you outwardly present is usually edited, not raw and unfiltered (like those tempestuous Cancers). However, there is something about unequivocally sharing your emotions with others that changes your experience of them. Since it's good practice, try to at least knock a hole in the walls between heart and face, if you can't tear them down entirely. Believe me, what you've got coming this summer is so good, the thinner your skin, the better off you'll be.

    Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

    You despise being trapped in one role, no matter how integral or important it might be. You get bored. That's why a Scorpio with her finger stuck in a cracked dam might pull it out, just to see what would happen when a flood ensued, swamping the valley below. However, I urge you to leave your finger plugging the hole a little longer. The paths you're about to walk might be interesting once they've been plunged into chaos, but they'll be a lot more fun (and populated by extremely grateful people) if you've just saved them from it.

    Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

    You're up in the clock tower of your mind with a rifle, ready to take aim and gun down the parts of yourself you're sick and tired of. Don't be capricious, now. You could really do yourself some damage, but stick to the plan: Those aspects of your personality that are really vestiges of a former self you no longer need?who are, in fact, holding you back?are the parts that need to go. You asked them to leave already?quite politely, I might add?and they refused to budge. So now you're going to shoot them down in cold blood. Kind of harsh? Not when you consider that their vampiric sapping of your strength is all that's so far kept you from achieving your best and brightest dream.

    Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

    Your squishy emotions are squeezing into the driver's seat, trying to wrest control from the rational ambitions that have traditionally directed your course. Either the steering wheel or the pedals will fall to their pushy power; this is your last chance to decide which you'll yield to their irrational and changeable guidance. If you let your emotions and intuition determine your path for the next two years, your intellect can at least set the pace. This invents the possibility that you'll steer wildly off-course (and experience more happiness and less success than you were likely to have otherwise). On the other hand, if your mind keeps control of the wheel and yields jurisdiction over the gas and brake, you can keep going in the same direction you have been, but your feelings will choose exactly how fast (or slow) you'll get there.

    Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

    The bomb squad just left. For a while there, they suspected there was something in you that was about to explode, violently strewing death and destruction all around you. They thought they'd managed to defuse the thing, so they packed up their protective gear and drove away. Unfortunately, all they really did was reset the clock on that ticking internal grenade. Now it's up to you to figure out how to disarm the thing before it injures anyone, especially yourself, or at least extricate it and toss it clear so it can detonate somewhere where no one will get hurt.

    Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

    That feral kitten of a concept or person you'd finally managed to coax into your life had at long last learned to trust you. It's too bad that the unavoidable decision or action you're likely to make this week will spook him, bad. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to earn back his confidence right now. All you can do is keep putting out saucers of cream and leaving a window open for him. Be very patient. I suspect he'll come back on his own, eventually (I'm betting sometime around December).

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    Don't kick yourself when you finally learn something this week that you maybe should've figured out ages ago, like your best friend is gay, or the coworker you always have to cover for is really, really sick. You've been ridiculously blind to the obvious for a while, but that's part of your charm. The other part, of course, is what you'll do now that clarity and understanding are yours. Hopefully your behavior towards these people wasn't based on what you'd overlooked. Now that you know, treat them more or less the same as when you didn't.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    Every action you initiate pushes you in a specific direction. Be aware this week what conscious or unconscious goals you may be manifesting, because your acts will have extra thrust; sitting on your ass and watching television will make you obese and miserable faster than you'd think. You Taureans often need to be encouraged to ditch responsibilities so you can have some fun; this week, however, it's best to hold off on the goofing off unless it specifically serves your long-range goals. Your effectiveness is up 23 percent. Make use of it. Just be careful about unwanted fallout from things you didn't mean to do: Don't run unless you want to get there fast, and don't sing unless you want to be heard.