Joe Franklin, Mensch
"Now, I've got a lot to tell you," he says. "Just wait one second while I get this?Hello, Eddie, give me two days. I need you pathologically, I need you maniacally, but give me two days. Call me?Just wait one minute while I speak to Kevin?Now, Kevin, what can she do? Is she here or in Barcelona? Call me at 5 p.m. sharp and I will have good news for you.
"Yes, I think I really started the talk show. With me, it was natural, it wasn't rehearsed, I wasn't reading from a cue card?Oh, Victoria, you're beautiful, if you were poor I would send you to college. Call me at noon tomorrow, I have good news for you?I always say that no one ever really discovers someone, you just give them their first exposure.
"I am probably most proud of helping Bill Cosby with his career, but I had so many stars on for the first time: Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Liza Minnelli, Bruce Springsteen, the Jackson 5. I had them on five times. A lot of them never come back to say hello, because I remind them of when they were poor and struggling. I had Garth Brooks on and I had to give him carfare. Some come back and thank me. Tony Orlando came back. Billy Crystal too. He used to do an impression of me on Saturday Night Live.
"You want anything? Chocolate? Champagne??Let me get this one call. Talk to me. Well, what do you know? It's a beautiful lady I know, she does hair removal. You know anyone who needs hair removal?
"Now, about the restaurant. They came to me with it. I was just sitting home, swatting flies. Just kidding, dear...and Dennis Riese called me about having my name up on a restaurant marquee. I wanted to maybe have Eddie Cantor meatballs on the menu, but they said it would make it too much like the Stage Deli, and I have to listen to them. As I said last night, usually you have to be dead to get such an honor, like being on a postage stamp, and here I am only half dead." Talk turns to the restaurant's opening party. "I am kidding about that, but it's a great thing. Did you see that crowd last night? You couldn't move, you couldn't breathe, am I right? Did you see the Al Hirschfeld caricatures?"
Just then, a courtly old gentleman stops by to ask Joe about ordering business cards.
"This is my uncle," Joe says. "You see what I go through."
He thinks a minute, and tells the guy to absolutely call him on Friday.
"I do need cards, but give me two days. I am supposed to be moving soon, too."
To move out of his present office will take a feat of engineering equal in scale to the dredging of the Suez Canal.
"I've been around 43 years. I wanted to retire when Johnny Carson retired, but I had a year and a half to go on my contract. Everyone always wants to know who my favorite guest was and I say Bing Crosby. To me, Bing Crosby was mechanically reproduced. I idolized Bing, but I only saw him in movies or heard him on the radio. When he came on my show, he was like a young kid. I think he was showing off for his young wife, Kathryn, but he was great. Sang all his songs. The only problem I ever had was with Jerry Lewis. He was on my show at 10 in the morning, and he didn't want to be there, he wanted to be off in his ivory tower. I asked him, How's Dean Martin? and he took a swing at me. He later apologized and now we're friends."
Joe disappears into the depths of his office, and magically pulls an 8-by-10 glossy from a massively overstuffed file drawer. He signs it for me, and walks me to the elevator. He tells me I can call him anytime, and then, in a gesture that could bring back vaudeville, he takes my hand but kisses his own.