This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:56

    Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) It's frustrating, isn't it, to have all these magnificent plans simply waiting to be brought to fruition, while you're stuck sitting on your hands? It just plain sucks, especially when you think about all the times in your life when you were so much less directed and self-aware, but more empowered to act. Don't give up on those dreams: they'll come?perhaps even sooner than you think! See, on the surface this may appear to be a simple lesson in patience: Good things come to those who wait, and all that. But it's not. Your hands may be tied, but your mouth isn't. Good things come to those who ask for them, not who silently abide. Your assignment this week: decide what to ask for and from whom. Don't ask yet, though?you've got a birthday coming up, remember. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I look forward to the day you learn to truly relax. I picture you holding court, wizened and wise, in a rocking chair on your front porch. People will come to you for witty advice, sage counsel and practical know-how. And you won't be at the mercy of your frenetic lifestyle. You'll have realized?at last?that you choose your busyness, instead of being a worried slave to it. But why wait until you're old and withered and forced to that realization? Think of it now, while you're young enough to enjoy it. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Shit. I've gone and earned myself a mild addiction to coffee. Nowadays, my brain simply doesn't feel fully awake until I've had a cup of the evil black brew. It was all those months in Asia when I drank Coca-Cola daily; in some places it was easier to acquire than drinking water. It slowly habituated my body to that daily dose of caffeine. Some addictions are insidiously subtle that way, like the one you've been gradually sliding into. I'm not informing you about it simply to prevent you from going there?it's probably no more harmful than a moderate latte craving?but wouldn't it be better to choose it than allow it to choose you? Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) I want my next car to be a funky, wood-paneled station wagon. Since I'm a huge Volvo fan (and I don't think they ever made wood paneling for their wagons), this means I'll be able to design my own, and airbrush flames, racing stripes or Playboy bunnies onto it as well. Don't be put off because what you want doesn't exactly exist. Discouragement is an avoidable deadend. Instead of settling for what's out there, create something new. I guarantee it'll be better than it ever would've been, otherwise. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) I'm psyched to be enjoying the prime of my life in the early 21st century rather than in, say, the 1950s. I wonder if everyone thinks his own era is the shit, and it's only in looking back that we decide otherwise. Well, it's a moot point, since it's not something you have a choice about. Even if you wish you'd been born three decades earlier, you're alive now. The cool thing is, we're actively cocreating what this era is about: if you're unsatisfied with what your times have to offer you, change them. You can. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Oh, Bambi. You're so cute and gentle and fragile. Everyone feels sorry for you since those hunters shot your mom and fed her to their families. If you act a little dopey sometimes, it's forgivable, because you're so darn precious. I know how you hate anything cutesy. Seeing a portrait of yourself in a heart-shaped frame might make you actually vomit. You don't have to put up with it. If someone's got you pegged for a trembling little baby fawn, you've got the power to set them straight?just give them a poke with your jagged antlers, or a little kick with those sharp little cloven hooves. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Imagine being wrapped in black velvet on a sunny day. Suddenly, all that cozy luxury is transmuted into a form of horrendous torture. Being packed into an overcrowded commuter bus could be a claustrophobic nightmare?unless you were dying of hypothermia, or isolated loneliness. Every situation, no matter how extreme, can be interpreted in a variety of ways, depending on where you're coming from. Since you can't seem to squirm out of your trickiest dilemma, perhaps you can wriggle out of your limiting mindset about it. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) I had a cynical English teacher in high school who used to say: "Thank God for stupid people." Who else, he reasoned, would clean our houses, pick up our trash, wash our cars and otherwise do all the tedious, menial tasks that more "evolved" people (like himself, presumably) couldn't be bothered with? I, too, am grateful for those who are willing to do those things I don't enjoy. But I'm not idiotic enough to assume they're stupid. Don't kid yourself about the nature of your relationships. You are the servant to those you depend on, not the other way around. Aries (March 21-April 19) Even overgrown, fire-breathing mutant lizards have feelings. Godzilla isn't on a rampage of terrifying destruction just because. He's acting out. All those repressed emotions from an almost certainly traumatic childhood are taking tangible and deadly form. He's excused from the resulting carnage. You're not, though. Accidentally murdering thousands and destroying a city with one's clumsy antics is different from deliberately going out of your way to wreak havoc. Godzilla could have some sort of excuse for his bad behavior, although no one's about to give him the benefit of the doubt. You, on the other hand, truly have no excuse, and the only doubts people will be giving you the benefit of are those regarding your friendship, if you keep this up. Taurus (April 20-May 20) You are the latest progeny of an ancient dynasty. Invested in you is the effort of thousands of people, all striving (in the courses of their own lives) to create the future you now inhabit. They may not have been the rulers of a powerful empire of yore, or the founders of the world's most successful freakshow. But they've done their best, whether or not you're proud of it. It's actually harder if you've got an accomplished family?it gives you a lot to live up to. If you're completely unimpressed with your family's efforts to date, your choice is obvious: either you can zealously maintain the uninterrupted history of mediocrity, or you can set out to do something that your descendants can actually brag about. Gemini (May 21-June 20) I used to have a housemate who whistled constantly, habitually. It was as simple as breathing to him, so our house was filled with a perpetual (and often tuneless) serenade. It was, ultimately, very irritating. My other housemates and I finally had a meeting to discuss what form our (increasingly necessary) action should take. Our concern was his tender sensitivity (he's a Cancer), balanced against our swelling irritation. He obviously took such joy in this semi-musical self-expression that he was oblivious to the impact he had on others. It was a delicate situation. Of course, we finally had to tell him. After rejecting the engineered shaving "accident" and the anonymous letter, we agreed on a gentle, honest approach. You may continue to struggle with your current decision?but in the end your correct course of action, while difficult, will also be abundantly clear. [](